Mixed Tots...

Last Sat, one of my close gf came to pay me a visit...chatting along the way, she told me that she is changing her job, hopping to another big bank. Deep in my heart, I envy her and many of my other friends who are in the banking industry.

I seem to be the slowest to catch up among them. Many are already very established in the banks and hopping from one big bank to the other. That also means a pay rise each time they hop! But look at me, I'm stuck in my job for coming to 5 years this Aug, should I not resign. How miserable. Although it's a good company (perceive by many), the pay is damn miserable okay. I hardly get a good pay rise, despite being a degree holder. Many times I tried to tell myself to change job, but I suppose I'm just too comfortable in my present job. I came close to changing job, when I got shortlisted for an interview. But alas, at that point, I just discovered that I was expecting and well, didnt get through the 2nd round lor..sob sob.

Now because of the meet up, it made me think twice (AGAIN) if I should resign or not. If I resign, I would have to start from scratch after 2 years. And that would mean having to accept a lower pay or the same as what I'm paid now. And with a lost touch of 2 years with the working society, I might be losing out even more. This is the sacrifice if I were to look after Rie.

And my gf bought herself a Nissan March and we took a ride. It made hubby and me SOOOOO tempted to get a weekend car, you know. HUbby told me, when he sat in the car, his heart already got itch to just go ahead to get a weekend car. We did discuss, if I were to work, we can get a weekend car. But then, what's the point? If I work, Rie has to be taken care by someone and that means we have to fetch Rie to and fro and we need a normal car in order to do so. Weekend car has time restrictions and that doesnt suit us. And with a normal car, that means we have to pay more for instalment. My gf is paying $400 a month for her weekend Marchy. Is really cheap and reasonable and she took up the loan of just 7 years.

And so, we concluded, if I work = must get normal car= slog to pay off debts = I cannot quit! Argh!!! And I told him, another gf of mine asked me " Is it necessary to get a car?" Well, is for the sake of convenience I suppose. But then, I dread thinking of driving into the major roads, the highways, getting a carpark, getting tailgate, getting honk at. It all spoilts the mood, since Singapore is full of unreasonable drivers (of course there are nice ones lah). I know is hubby's dream to own a car. 2 of his buddies just bought car and a 3rd one is intending to buy Subaru Legacy. I suppose a car is like a men's way of showing his status, his ego. That includes my hubby.

And so, now I'm stuck once again. My SIL's mother did mention to say she wont mind helping me look after Rie when she's still young. To hubby, he thinks this is a good news and shared this with his mother (which I frown). And this evening, back at my parents place, he asked my mum if Auntie is willing to help look after and my mum asked hubby arent I gonna resign? I overheard and was damn unhappy with hubby for being such a big mouth and to ask my mum without discussing with me. In fact, it was my mum who told my dad during the car ride back on Sat that Auntie can help look after. I know, they did it on purpose, coz they want me to work, so they have been dropping hints here and there that there's someone to help look after blah blah. So I told hubby off and gave him cold shoulders throughout after that. I hate it when he likes to keep sharing things with others, especially his mother and my mother. I stopped sharing things with my mother when I went to secondary school. Because more than often, I dont really get the response that I want from her, and it upsets me later, so I rather not share.

So once again, I'm at the cross-road. I would definitely miss Rie at work. I would think and think of her. Wonder if Auntie would carry her if she cries or just leave her on the bed, just like hubby. Would she comfort her when she jerks from her sleep? Would she pat pat her to sleep? I'm going insane....
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Caught the finale of the Dance Floor and was so happy that Vas & Pris are crown champions...I like them, they have that "mo qi" and dance so well....

Our first family outing...

Yesterday, hubby took half day off. I knew he was suppose to head for an interview, but then, he actually turned them down, after finding out from a friend that that position needs to do shift work and he wont be able to commit.

So he came home and suggested to bring Rie out walk walk at TPY. We needed to get some stuffs too, so we got ready and was about to leave the house when Rie fell asleep. Aiyah, see lah, wanna show her around, then she sleep. So anyway, good also, we shop around while I carried her in the sling.

Then hubby brought me to the Ichiban restaurant for our late lunch, early dinner. Was very surprised, coz normally he wants to save you see and dont splurge on such stuff. And besides with RIE??? Anyhow, I was damn hungry, dint have breakfast and lunch, so might as well lah, since hubby suggested right? So we went in and got a bench table, which was SOOOOOO cramp, I could hardly move with Rie in my sling leh.

I was so afraid that she would wake up crying...We placed our order and then proceeded to start. Just as my main course came, aiyah, she opened her 2 eyes big big lor.. : X So bo bian, faster eat my food...she was quiet at first, looking around, here and there and those lights. I thought all is well, till she started to crumple her apple face and scream lor...What to do, give milk and she quiet down again. hee hee.

It was a meal that I ate the fastest and most ma fan one. After hubby was done, asked him to take over while I finish up my food and we left. It wasnt totally enjoyable, but then is our first family outing and it's been a long time since I ate with hubby such "good" food.

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Rie has been a good girl and stretching her sleeping hours as well. This morning, woke up in surprise that the time was 7am! And I sleep so soundly throughout the night! Wee Wee, woke up so happy and energetic and fed Rie...she smiled at me too,bet she had a good night sleep.

Took a peep at her noon time while she was having her nap. Tsk Tsk. I dont know how she sleep one. See....

The white thing is a nappy that I place for her in case she pukes. But she will probably kick kick kick, then start to come down and end up like this photo lor...

Blur me..

Last night I had a cold war with hubby. It started the day before when hubby started a habit to leave the gate wide open. Normally, he would lock the main door if he leaves the gate open, but yesterday he forgot about it.

I think I'm just very pek chek, so when I saw him leaving the gate opened when I threw the rubbish, I just yell at him and told him never ever to do that. He's been getting very absent minded as well, often forgetting to switch off the lights before he left for work.

Then, I was so hungry by the time we reached home after getting Rie's jab. But had to wait for hubby to finish up cleaning my bunnies cage, shower, then take over Rie. So meanwhile I showered for Rie and dress her up, waiting for hubby. Scarly, once he is done, he say he want to bring down the curtains to wash. I was like "can you look after her" then he just asked me to leave Rie on the bed. I got so mad and just carried her, then he know I angry liao lor, faster come carry her. I told him off lah, say Rie only see him for that few hours every night, then he complain say he only see her awhile, then now got chance, dont want pei her. Then she has been lying on bed whole day sleeping, and still want to make her lie on bed? So mad lor.

Tension tension man...and so yesterday, after Rie fell asleep at night, I got to "work" on the online sales. Then when everything is done at 1am, I went to bed for 5 mins. Scarly, I remember that I've yet to hang the clothes, so I had to get up again, hang the laundry and finally got to bed at 130am. So forgetful...Well, had only 30 mins sleep before Rie woke up for her feed. But the good news is, she is getting longer sleep at night. After feeding her at 2am, she woke up at 7am. 5 hours later...So I woke up afresh too. hee hee.

Riesia's Vaccination...

This evening we headed down to TPY to meet up with this girl whom I've sold my Focus Dailies contact lenses too at a great great loss. Aiyah, I bought liao, then hardly wear and moreover, the lenses feel very smooth and I often have difficulties in removing them.

Now I'm still stuck with the -1.50 degree of 3 boxes man, dont know what to do. Hopefully there will be a buyer...

Then after that, we went down to my GP, Dr Serene Tan for Riesia's 6-in-1 jab. Hubby has been chasing me to bring her for the jab, but I kept delaying. It was suppose to be this Sat, but then, aiyah, nag and nag, so I agree to bring her down today. She was very quiet and kept looking around. At least she doesnt fuss, that's what I'm most worried about when bringing her out..

Dr Tan examined her and did a quick check. Then she went to get the vacine and told me that she will not be using the needles provided, which is so long and thick. I see liao, also scare leh. Wah liao eh. Then she showed me her own needle, which is so much shorter and thinner, at least for bb wont be so painful...Heng ah. She say polyclinics are using the needles provided lor. Deep in my heart, I thank god that we didnt go to the polyclinics for the jab man, how painful will that be? The whole needle needs to be jab right in the thigh leh..Heng heng heng. I'm glad hubby agreed to go see Dr Tan.

Well, as expected Rie scream lah, but funny leh, awhile only. Hee hee, good girl. So I coax her and faster gave her honey water which I've secretly prepared for her to drink to calm her down. I hope she doesnt develops fever for the next few days.

These 2 photos were taken last weekday when I'm home alone with Rie and she refuses to sleep. So I placed her on the bed and took quick photos of her...She looks really huge in the photo, but she's not really when in person....big girl liao..

Dont mind her bushy birdnest hair lah. Bad hair day for her, just woke up mah. And mummy refuses to trim her hair....wanna keep long long.
Took this at MIL's place out of boredom. It's been a long time since I took photos with hubby liao leh..I think we dont have a photo of us when I'm preggie leh. How disappointed. 39 weeks is not long at all, and yet so many things need to be done within that span of period.
Just received news via sms that one of my forum gf has just delivered her bb girl this morning. How excited. Till date, I still recall my delivery. It is very memorable and how I wish time can turn back to let me experience it again. One have to go through it in order to know how it feels, how excited it is. I think I'm more excited as to when my waterbag will burst and panic hubby. Hee hee. I didnt like the labour process lah. But if I should go through again, I wonder if I can make it with just the laughing gas or not. I think back, I should have been able to make it leh, coz I was dilating so fast, I think by the time I had epidural, I rested for just 2 hours and then I'm due to deliver. Yeah 2 hours very short, but tell you at each contractions that last just seconds, it makes you wanna die flat man. I never felt so much pain in my whole life!

Yesterday, MIL bring up about having a 2nd child. Wah liao eh, I just deliver last month leh, then now talk about 2nd child liao. I not 母猪 leh and besides this type of thing is between hubby and myself mah. I'm just not yet ready for a 2nd child yet, so FULL STOP.

SIL is recommending me a baby sitter who is staying at Bishan St 21. Is a little too far for me leh, but then she is experienced and the bb she was looking after is enrolling into childcare, so she is free. I need to find out more, need to know how many members are there in the family, are there any guys or not and where can Rie sleep.

You know har, at my MIL's place, their bed is those thin thin mattress. Thin never mind. But is so old until you can feel and see the mattress center has already dip down liao one leh. I didnt know how to place Rie on the bed. The bed is not firm enough to support her back, coz of the dip, so I placed her vertically, but then, duno who went to place her horizontally after that, so she is sleeping in the shallow hole. Argh. Angry. I told hubby,why cant they change to a new mattress?

Then har, when I'm making milk for Rie, MIL dont use those hot flask. She uses those ah ma style of flask and then hubby tried to pour the hot water and it burnt my fingers!!! So fed up okay! Hubby still ask me, want to bath for Rie or not, I stared at him man.

Period

A little surprise.

This morning when hubby returned from his marketing, he rang the doorbell.

He normally dont do that, as he knows I would be sleeping but I was awake at that time after pumping, so I opened the door for him. And voila...got a little surprise from him..
I asked him why buy flowers for me, he say I've been guai guai (like shit), and he see me so unhappy, so he bought flowers to cheer me up....Is a really really nice thought, coz this is the first time he bought a bouquet of flowers from me (even though is from the mkt).

Normally he comes home with just 2 stalk of roses. So this time round is more than just 2 stalks of roses. It costs hubby $10 bucks on this bouquet leh, which is already considered alot to me liao. Very unlike of him to splurge on such items...I really appreciate it alot.

I told him, why dont buy me flowers only next month, when is our 2 years ROM anniversary? He said, he just thought of buying and so he just buy, no why. Happy happy...

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Riesia had a busy day today. In the afternoon, we rushed to MIL's place to see FIL as he was admitted to A&E for a burst blood vessel in his eye. Well, I of course didnt want to head there, coz is very crampy and stuffy for Rie & also myself lah. hee hee, but this time round, have to go. As expected, upon reaching, MIL was ranting away loudly as Rie arrived sound asleep. She drifted in and out of her sleep because of MIL talking so loudly at home. I'm glad SIL speak out to tell MIL that she was talking too loudly and disturbing Rie's sleep. So she said okay okay, closed the bedroom door and talk softly. But it lasted for that few mins only before you can hear her loud voice miles away from the doorstep. Alas. Hubby takes after her trait and I often had to remind him not to talk so loudly, even at our own home. Well, end up Rie didnt have a sound sleep at all. She is a light sleeper and needs all peace and quiet to fall into deep sleep just like her mother, me.

Finally, she got frustrated and woke up for her feed. Thereafter, MIL took her round for her showing off parade to the neighbours. She let this neighbour's daughter to carry Rie and aiyo, they dont bother about Rie's neck leh, and Rie's head sort of fell backwards before they adjust to the position to carry her. I was like wah liao eh, the neck so fragile leh...I wanted to rush there and grab my Rie back. Then har, the first thing the daughter stepped in to MIL's house, she asked me : "还没瘦啊？"

Wah kaoz man, you think very easy to slim down meh? She also not very slim what. Anyhow, yucky. Then she went on asking why I didnt cut Rie's hair ah? Even for her first month ah, I told her, yeah, I dont want to cut. Why must cut? So nice, so long, is not easy okay for Rie to be born out with such nice long hair. It took her a whole 39 weeks for the hair to grow hor...And you want me to shave off? xiao bo.

I couldnt wait to get out of the house, back to my parents place. Rie was so sticky and pek chek liao...so we left soon after...

Insurance...

Finally settled Rie's insurance liao. HUbby bought her the H&S plan under Aviva.

The premium is cheap at $103, and then we bought the rider at $36, so total come up to about $139 only annually. $103 will be paid out under Hubby's medisave...

Come to think, it's such a small world. My gf recommended her agent who is her NTU mate. This agent recommended her hubby who sells Aviva to us. And she is also the neighbour of our ex-colleague. Small world right...

I was telling hubby to try go sell insurance part time...after all, seems quite easy leh, as long as you know your products well and can talk and explain. It all depends on words of mouth to get your business. And moreover, hubby likes meeting people instead of being tied down to his desk. If only I am out going, I wont mind taking up this job...

SIL and MIL are coming over later..haiz..each time they come they would most often end up lying on the floor, sofa or the mattress which I've bought for my post natal massage. I told hubby I dislike people going over to other people's house and end up sleeping one. Why must like that? If one is tired, then might as well dont come lor, as simple as that. They think own people wont paisay, but never think this isnt their own home right? For me, I definitely wont sleep at other people's house even if is my own relative or sibling. MIL is going to bring over the fried fish. I dislike her fish, but gotta eat. Her fish always have this fishy smell that lingers around one. I compared to the fish fried by my dad, there isnt a fishy smell. That night, I asked mum why. She said sometimes the fish may not be fresh, so after cooking got the fishy smell, or probably didnt fry with ginger or garlic lor. Yeah, I think that's the main reason man....sometimes after eating, hubby wash up at the basin, the smell still lingers at the basin, I wanna puke.

dread dread...

I managed to get a shot of Rie smiling, although this isnt her widest smile....hee hee..

The final straw

That's it man. Today's the day that they are gonna receive the letter from me.

Got my gf to help me translate to Mandarin and here's how it goes :

Dear Neighbour,

Please be considerate to reduce noise level when you are hanging your laundry outside the window.

请您亮衣服时, 降低声亮, 以免妨碍他人.

Buay Tahan liao. Everyday, I am sure to hear cling gong cling gong whenever she hangs her laundry outside the window ledge. Why must she bang her bamboo so loud??? Argh. I complain to hubby, hubby said, coz she as a housewife feels frustrated at home lor, so she vent her anger...wah kaoz, like that also can.

I sure hope this housewife knows how to read man and understand what I am trying to say. The last round I had wanted to drop a letter into her mailbox, telling her to dry her clothes before hanging them outside. Her laundry was dropping like mad onto my clothes that day! So mad...but then her mailbox was locked, so we couldnt drop the note in. So she escaped that time...but not this time.....

Is really so disturbing leh and it always frights Rie whenever she is having her afternoon nap. She will let out a jerk and then goes back to sleep again. Otherwise, she will wake up crying...That inconsiderate neighbour is not staying right above me, but 2 floors up okay! So you can imagine how loud she is when she hang her bamboo...
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Was reading my gf's blog about her monthly instalment and was just telling her that I'm done with my instalment for my honeymoon this month. So happy and glad....no more in debts liao...

Last night, I kept thinking and thinking if I should be HDB 太太. To work, that means I have extra $ to spend, no need to see hubby grumbling day in and out about spending. Then, when I return to work in June, it's another 5 more months to Oct to get my AWS, then come Dec, will get company performance bonus...So Should I stay on or not? But then, the work dreads me leh, to take back all the work. In fact, I've quite lost touch with the work liao leh, then gotta learn all over again...xian half leh..and then pay wise, so miserable...haiz...

Why I would have this change of mindset? Because yesterday afternoon, while Rie was having her afternoon nap, I told myself not to log onto to the net, but to finish up reading the pile of newspaper. As I read, I think, since Rie is having her nap most of the time, if I should place her with my aunt, then it shouldnt be any problem right? So when I pick her up, she would be awake by then....then can have some bonding...but what happens when she grows older and stays awake most of the day? Then she will bond with my aunt leh, since aunt would be the main caregiver, feeding her, bathing her playing with her, talking to her etc...

Right now, Rie recognizes me and smiles at me every morning, when I change her diapers, when I feed her, when I talk to her and when I play with her. Is a very special feeling and hubby feels jealous not able to have the time to bond with her...I dont want to break that bond with her...sob sob....

If I should place Rie with my aunt, I would also have to get extra steriliser, food warmer, bath tub also. Then where is Rie gonna sleep? On my cousin's bed? Or must I get a mattress for her too. Then what if something happens to Rie, like she fell off the bed or fall down, then how? Then I have to transport my breastmilk also, then duno if my aunt knows how to warm it up or not. Sometimes har, as relatives, is very hard to tell them dos and donts leh...

But one good thing is, my aunt speaks English. Yeah, call me bias, but then I want her to grow up in an English speaking family. English to me is damn important. In school, you fail English, that's it. In work, English is the main language used to communicate and is important when you make presentation and all. So I will start her off with English then Mandarin...

As I'm typing away, Rie fell asleep on my lap..hee hee.....

Thursday...

Last night I had the most peaceful sleep ever since I delivered. Rie had her last feed at 10pm while hubby and me were watching the planet earth documentary. She was fussing around since 830pm when I was trying to concentrate on The Dance Floor.

So when she fell asleep at 1030pm, I was expecting her to wake up at 1am for her next feeding. I put her in her bed and continue watching the show with hubby and both of us fell asleep!!! I must be dead tired, coz I didnt have afternoon nap.

And so, hubby woke up, switched off the telly and we both snored...UNTIL I woke up at 4am! Surprise surprise! Rie slept through out the night and I'm so happy man. I feel so alert. Woke up made her milk, fed her and then I got up to pump and log onto the net to check out my emails. Went back to bed at 615am, when it's about time hubby woke up.

A funny thing happened yesterday too. Hubby normally takes over carrying Rie once he's done with his shower and housework chores. So last night, he was carrying her after her feed, yakking yakking while I folded her nappies. Then scarly he let out a cry...yes, hubby, not Rie. I was like what?? Then he asked me to look at him, I peer over and yucky!!! Rie pooed and it got out of her diapers and onto hubby's top!!! ahahahah..hubby was in a sorrowful sight man to have poo all over him. And to think I've just bath for Rie and now gotta grab her to shower again.

Well, after that, hubby said he's sure to strike ToTo tonight liao..shall wait and see..
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My sup smsed me last night to ask if I really confirm gonna resign as she needs to extend the other 2 temp girls if I confirm. I regret man, to tell her my decision so early such that she is constantly pestering me to give her an answer. I was thinking of using June to see how things would work out if I were to go back to work and have Rie looked after by my aunt. But seems like sup wants an answer..I'm in a big big dilemma now.

I got a lobang where one needs to work only 2-3 times a week checking invoices and pay is about $600-$700. Thought this might be a good job and at the same time have Rie looked after 2 or 3 days by my aunt and the rest of the days I can look after her. Workplace at City Hall somemore leh. But duno how is the job like. I really dread having to leave my comfort zone and to re-enter a whole new company, with new colleagues, need to mingle and build up rapport all over again. Afterall, this is my first job since I graduated and it lasted me till now. Come Aug, it will be my 5th year with the company liao. Considering that, my pay hasnt increased much. Ridiculous right? I told my sup, I'm a degree holder and yet I'm not paid according to the market rate. Well, silly of me to stay on, but I very slack lah. So comfortable with my job liao, everything I know on my fingertips and plus, I'm considered and old bird, so got abit of authority to report work late or just sms sup to say I urgent leave or mc lor...

If I leave and join another firm, no doubt there may be a pay revision, but...but...haiz..

Heart murmur

I've been slagging in writing my blog lately.

Been so tired and when Rie's asleep, I just want to catch up with my sleep as well.
I had forgot to mention during last Monday checkup, Prof Phua mention to me that he heard an extra sound in Rie's heart and told us to go for a check up with a heart specialist just to be sure that everything is alright.

And so today is the appointment with Dr Tan. Dr Tan said the sound is still present and did a scan to see Rie's heart. Rie was wide awake and I was so afraid that she would scream and yell. She was quiet for a few mins, and looked around. She was curious, so she was very quiet. Then as she got socialised with the room and became bored, she started to get impatient and scream. Aiyo, so I hurry told hubby to get her water bottle to pacify her. Gave her some water and Dr Tan took over from the really slow nurse who was doing the scanning. It did managed to calm her down a few minutes and Dr Tan hurriedly scan.

The result? There's a 3.6mm gap between the upper chamber of the heart. Dr Tan said this is norm for new born and that 90% of them would close up the gap eventually when they are 1 year old. As such, he told us not to worry and to follow up in 1 year's time and then if everything is alright, he will discharge Rie. So at least that put an assurance to hubby's mind. He so gan cheong and kept worrying and worrying.

Rie's weight : 5.33 kg

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I've also been trying to revamp my product webby and decided to try out using blog instead to sell my product and here's the webby : http://babydusts.blogspot.com/

Took the chance to also revamp my blog skin as well, learnt a hand or two on adding tagboard too, so those who wanna leave me a note, feel free yeah.

Bad day man....

This Riesia is really testing my patience man. For the past 2 nights, she hasnt been sleeping well, waking up between 1-2 hours crying. Either she has nightmare or she just wants to be coax to sleep, so I've not been sleeping well.

Last night was no exception either. I only had an hour of sleep and the rest was merely trying to get to sleep or trying to coax Riesia to sleep. At 4am, I woke up to feed her and change her diapers. This girl, she is very funny, at times, she will smile so widely to me while I change her diapers. Whatever frustration I have just disappears when she smiles at me. Sometimes I think, if she is indeed smiling at me or at "something" that I cannot see. So I test water, I move side ways and her eyeball moves as well. Then I know she is indeed focusing on me. Is scarly when I feed her and her eyeballs move here and there, as if she is seeing "something" moving and even sometimes, she would smile not at me! That would make my hair stand especially in the night when I'm awake with just her while hubby's deep asleep.

Anyhow, back to my story...At 630am, she woke up and refuse to go to bed, staying wide awake until 10am! I was so so tired and so frustrated, carrying her in and out of room, swaying around, feeding her, I tried all means to get her to just close her eyes, but she refuse and kept fussing. Argh. That made me lose my patience and I spank her thigh twice. Gently of course and scolded her. She cried lor, but she stopped after 5 seconds. Bluff cry one. Then I felt so guilty, so I told her pls be a good girl and go to bed, mummy's very very tired. It didnt work of course.

So I fed her again, after some suckling, she finally closed her eyes and I lay her in bed as quietly as I can, thinking I can finally have some good sleep. Alas, it lasted only 30mins ah. Pissed off. So I went to on the heater to give her a shower, hoping she will feel more comfortable after her shower and would go to bed. Rush here, rush there, then finally feed her milk again at 12noon and she slept.

Peace at last.

I went to sleep next to her and when I woke up, it was already 445pm. Good 4.45 hrs sleep! She must be damn tired too. Bad day...
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I received an email on my 6 weeks baby from babycenter and this was what they said :
Has your baby smiled at you yet? If not, he will soon. At 6 weeks, about half of all babies can recognize their parents, and many of those babies are so delighted that they welcome Mom or Dad with an excited, gurgly grin. This is one of the first signs that your baby is developing an ability to socialize.In fact, it's called a "social smile," and it's one of the more emotionally gratifying milestones you'll see your baby reach.

Night Duty

As much as I hate night duty, I have no choice. Last night was horror man. Rie woke up wide eyes opened at 1230 am and hubby and I have to pretend to sleep and be quiet, so that she will think we are all asleep. hee hee. Sometime it works, sometimes it fails.

Anyhow, I went to bed at around 1am and then just as I am about to fall asleep, she started crying at 2am. So I had to wake up to prepare her milk...As she drank, she let out a fart. Opps man, dont tell me she poo poo ah....I checked, nope, no poo. Phew...

After she finish drinking, I changed her pampers..As I wipe, I notice this yellow thingy coming out!!! cham ah, really poo, and she went ennnnnnnnnn....so I wait for her to finish poo-ing lor, then wash her butt. Everything done, coax her to sleep it was already 330am.

I thought I can head back to sleep until she started crying again at 4am..As I carried her, she let out a loud fart and piah sound leh...She poo again. Aiyah, gotta change again lor and the room was filled with her aroma man. Dont know if hubby know or not, but he just continued sleeping...
By then it was already 5am and thank god, Riesia slept fast and so I got into bed to sleep until 7am and is all over again. Feeding...burping...coaxing her to sleep...
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I received a sms this morning and is from my sup. Well, she sms-ed me lor to ask why I wanna resign lah, blah blah. I was so tired, so I told her will catch up with her again. Gotta check with my HR if my 3rd month can be served as my 1 month notice ah...xian half.

Hubby just spoke to me. He wants me to "earn" my 3rd month maternity and to use June as my 1 month notice. I questioned him, who's gonna help us look after Rie? He mentioned my aunt's name, but I told him that my uncle smokes and I do not know if he smokes at home or not. That's really the last resort to send Rie to my aunt to be look after. Hubby didnt consider we have to wake up early in the morning to send Rie to my aunt's place at Serangoon, bring all her items and perhaps even the steriliser. Then I have to provide the breastmilk to my aunt also, plus Rie's clothings and all. Then from there we head off to work. Rie would most probably be sleeping in the wee morning and then having to wake up in a different environment. She would miss her bed, her mummy's bed also...sob sob

After work, we rush there to pick her. Then I've got to take over the night duty yet again and then how am I to tahan in the morning to wake up early, prepare her things and then rush to work. Although is easy to say it's just 20 days, it's tiring.

At times, I feel so angry deep down, like just now, Rie was fussing and fussing. Hubby carried her, but his eyes are glued to the telly and then I told him Rie wants to sleep, so rock her to sleep. I stayed at my PC and then I heard Rie yell again, and went in to the room to take over. Once I took over, place her on my chest and sway, she kept quiet. Why is it that hubby cant do it? At times I just need a few hours of my time alone also cannot. Then as I sway her, hubby carried on being glued to his telly and then he just doze off in bed. How mad can this be????

And that is why, I dont think I can have another child. How to divide myself between 2 child? I will die.

Rie's checkup

Yesterday we went back to KK for Rie's 3 weeks checkup and I dread the pricking of the heel for her bilirubin blood test.

I was praying hard not to get the same stupid nurse when I submit the form. When I stepped in and saw her, wah liao, same nurse again. So this time, I told her, dun prick the back of the feet, but the fleshier part at the bottom. She tried to argue with me in a nice way to say that's gonna hurt blah blah and I rebuked her back saying the first time the other nurse pricked for Rie, she didnt cry at all and even when she drew her blood, no crying. I went on saying even at Gleneagles, no crying either. She kept quiet and asked me for my opinion as to which part she can prick blah blah. Eventually, despite me telling her many times to prick the bottom, she just went on " here? here?" at the part where she WANNA prick. She then said she cannot gtee that Rie wont cry etc. So 1, 2, 3, pricked. Rie just let out a sigh and went back sleeping. I thought all is well, until that stupid damn nurse started to squeeze her feet and that must have aggitated Rie and she started to yell loudly. 2 tubes of blood they needed to draw and it was so slow. The nurse just kept holding her feet tightly squeezing the hell out of every drop. I hate that nurse.

She even thinks that Rie's a boy, kept calling "he", "him". Box her lah. I cant even be bothered about her and walked out myself after she has pasted the plaster on Rie's wound. Damn nurse, that's the last I shall ever see of her.

We waited awhile for the blood test report and thank god thank god, it dropped by 100 points to just 59 points. I have already told hubby that's nothing wrong with her, why keep sending her to be pricked? Eventually the level will drop, why must us parents be so kan cheong and then end up make our baby suffer all the unnecessary tests? Thinking back, I am so glad I didnt give in to Dr Woon to admit Rie for the phototherapy. Waste money also and I cannot bear to see Rie suffer under the hands of the evil nurse...

Prof Phua had wanted to see Rie for one more last time next month and I told him I dont want to prick her anymore and he agreed. He's a really nice, patient and assuring PD and I like him alot. Just that the waiting time at KK is horrendous man. But for the price we are paying, well, what's there to complain about.

However, just when I thought all is well, Prof said that he wants to send Rie for check up with a heart specialist as he had detected an extra sound in her heart artery. Just to play safe, he wants to check. I am worried deep down, but told myself there shouldnt be any problem with Rie, since she is such a strong girl. I held back telling hubby until he is home. As expected, he is a very very very VERY pessimistic person. once I broke the news to him, he kept asking why like this and blah blah on and on and on. I hate it and told him off. Told him there is nothing wrong with Rie and asked him to stop worrying.

That night he called his sister to tell her. Aiyah, very big mouth one leh, I dont like. I guess he is someone very close to his family and would share almost everything and anything. But funny thing is, he dont really share much with me instead. Argh.

Rie's weight : 5.040kg
Rie's height : 57.7 cm
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Last night, after we tucked Rie to bed and thought she is sound asleep, she started to cry at midnight and so we thought she is hungry and fed her. Half way through, I told hubby, scarly she poo, that's why she keep fussing. And true enough, she poo lor! At 1230am ah. Aiyo, hubby ran out of the room, coz it was so smelly..hee hee. So we waited for her to finish pooing before I washed her butt butt and tuck her to bed to sleep again.

This afternoon, I woke up at 230pm and Rie slept throughout till 5pm. Wah, so shiok lor...I faster finish up the housework and all. She wakes up quite accurately every 3 hours for her feed. Let's say she drinks at 7am, it takes her about 20 mins to drink, then another 15 mins for me to burp her, and make sure she is sound asleep before I tuck her to bed. By then, 45 mins is gone and I have another 2 hrs 15mins to sleep. I need about 10 to 15mins to fall asleep so that leaves me with just 2 hrs of sleep. This goes on and on till hubby comes home in the evening and I pass Rie to him to handle...

Last night, hubby pester me to throw white letter liao. I told him, I really dont know who can look after Rie for 1 month in June should I decide to tender. So another alternative is to tender in my 3rd month of maternity and that shall serve as my 1 month notice. I have just informed my supervisor via email, wonder how is she gonna react.

As much as part of me want to head back to work, so that I can earn money and support myself, and we can have a car too, I am worried about Rie growing up in a different strange environment. And plus, with all the articles on child abuse, I'm worried. I dont want to live to regret later. Very poor thing one leh, as a child growing up in an environment without her parents. No one to rely on. I cant bear, seeing Rie so cute, how to bear. Boo Hoo...

The weekend...Easter

This weekend is rather enjoyable.

On Sat evening, we waited for my parents to bring my niece Jodi over to my place. We wanted to bring her to a Easter Party at our void deck organised by the RC. Hubby bought the tickets at $3 and I was chiding him for buying the tickets.

Who knows, that $3 is very worth it. We had 2 packet of rice that I think is worth $4, 3 cans of drink and a sports bag. My niece in return had her fun of painting the egg shell. It was erm...well done for the effort of a 6 years old.

On Sunday, out of the blue, hubby suggested that we go back to my parents place. Well, of course I'm more than delighted to head back, so off we went. In fact, on Good Friday, we had already went back and thats the first time that Rie went to her Grandparents place. Hubby brought her in the MIM sling that my gf got for me. Thank God for this gift, because my wrist cannot take her weight anymore. My left wrist hurts like mad since Rie was 3 weeks old. And till now it hurts. But with this sling, the sling can help support her weight slightly, so my arms can rest abit...

And that's Rie sound asleep after her feed. I'm glad she is a very easy to handle baby. Often sleeping whenever we bring her out for outing.

Good Friday

This week must be a happy week for those who are working as it is a long weekend due to the Good Friday.

That said, I'm happy too, because that means I dont have to do night duty on Friday morning. But I was wrong. Hubby was dead tired and he made me very angry. Rie was up for her feed at 1230am and so hubby fed her. But he made the wrong mistake to talk and chat with her and made her so energetic that she didnt want to sleep! And time tick away and it was 3am already. Hubby carried her to and fro, up and down, pat her, put her in the cot, placed her in our bed in between us, nothing worked. End up I have to get up and carry her to sleep, coaxing her, while hubby snored so loud once his head touched the pillow. I was so mad deep down. I have already given warning to him before not to talk to her when feeding her at night, and he just wont listen. And this isnt the first time. And as always, he "pushes" Rie to me to coax her to sleep.

And so, I ended up swaying, walking to and fro till 4am when she is sound asleep in my arms. And in the morning at 830am, she was up for her feed again and I forced myself to wake up. I went to bed at 945am after feeding & burping her and pumping. Hubby got up soon after. It wasnt long before I hear Rie's cries for milk again at 1pm. I heard hubby calling for me in the kitchen, so I had to get up. Hubby was doing business and wanted to take a shower, so I have to feed Rie. Hubby does see the point where I have no time to even do business until Rie's sound asleep or even take a shower. Each time I take a shower, my heart would skip a beat, hoping not to hear Rie cry, otherwise, jia lat.

Once Rie's asleep again at 2pm, I went to bed and slept till 5pm, while hubby did housework, ironed his shirt, folded the clothes and read newspaper. I got up feeling very pek chek when hubby sacastically said I did nothing but sleep the whole day blah blah. And so, I had to rush to sterilise the bottles, bath, and get ready to head to my mum's place. In a hurry to wash the bottles and my breastpumps, I accidentally threw the white valve for my breastpump into the toilet bowl! I was so mad at myself I wanna kick my ass. Thank god the Avent pump came with an extra valve, so I get to use that first. I have to head down to the office to get an extra piece to standby.

At my mum's place hubby helped her to file her income tax and then I pester hubby to head to TPY to deposit the cash and to shop for awhile since Rie's asleep in my parents home. They were very happy to have Rie for the first time at their home and my mum even joked with me to leave Rie with them for the night. I felt at ease to have Rie in their care. Although I felt weird without having Rie by my side, I was glad to have private time with hubby. It didnt felt the same anymore. I do wish things didnt change, that hubby wont change the way he used to treat me, that he would hold my hands and still care for me etc. I really dont want to end up like some other couples where the hubby no longer holds his wife's hands after they have kids.

Honestly speaking, although it's just 1 month since I delivered, I feel I still need time to recuperate and rest. My period hasnt stopped yet and hubby seem to have expectation of me to start doing housework etc. Back home in the evening, I was so pissed when hubby threw his temper while doing housework that I screamed at him and took over the job to do the housework. I mop the study room and living room and washed up my bunnies' cages. By then, hubby showered and was already fast asleep in bed.

Rie woke up just 40 mins ago for her feed and I did the feed myself, I didnt even gave hubby a look. While looking at her, I thought to myself. I felt so sad, so depressed that I was crying deep down inside. Why must things change? Why cant things remain the same? Why cant he understand me? And I'm very sure in future, when he becomes the one to bring bread home, he would definitely think lowly of me and expects me to bow to him, which I do not wish to. As much as I want to show him I still can bring income home, I cant bear to leave Rie in 3rd party's hands. How are they gonna feed her? Would they wipe her face when there's milk stain? Would they change her blouse when she pukes or just leave it wet? How would they change and wipe her butt when she poos, since her poos is soft. Would they just use toilet roll or wet wipes to wipe and thats it? Would they just leave her on bed and not carry her? So many what if. How can I be at ease? I feel so sad to keep thinking. I really really cant bear.

God, pls help me be strong.

Lady Luck is shining again?

Is Lady Luck shining on us yet again?

On Sunday, hubby checked the Big Sweep and saw that the lady 4 digit 6034 matches his ticket number and he was so excited. Although it's just a small windfall of $60, he was very happy as it is his first time to win Big Sweep.

And then yesterday, I received the 4d sms. Normally I really cant be bothered coz we buy and buy also never strike. So when I see the 4d results yesterday on my hp, wah, the number opened, my heart skipped a beat, coz I dont know if hubby had the time to buy the number or not.

So I quickly called him up and asked, did you buy not? If he said no, I will kill him. And yes, he did. He bought $1 and we made another $60. This number 0049, is Rie's height when she was born. I had a hunch this number will open because just few weeks back, 0079 opened and I thought to myself, my number is gonna open liao.

Just few weeks back, the number 5143 opened and I gave up on this number. How sad. If it's meant to be mine, it will be mine...
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Hubby went for a job interview at Coca-cola yesterday, at Tuas leh. So far. They are offering him $50 lower than his expected salary, but I think it's coz the agency is taking commission. Stupid right. So anyhow, it was a very casual meet up with the AP and AR manager and looks like he went through the first round. They asked him if he wanted to stay on to wait for the CFO who was in a meeting, but god knows what time the meeting's gonna end, so hubby said he will come again.

He's been telling me that he's been waiting for a good job and here's one, but then is at Tuas and although they cant meet his expected salary, is still fine with him, coz is a big pay jump to his current pay. Besides, they are paying him 2 months bonus too. But that doesnt beats his current company who pays him lots of bonus a year. and plus he knocks off at 530pm and can reach home at 6pm. But he abit xian of this job liao lor, so he's looking around. I hope he will find a job that he likes.

You've just gotta see this

No matter if you are a animal lover or not, you just have to watch this video. Is amazing..I wish I can train my rabbit to do such stuff.

Junior only knows how to jump out and back to his cage nia. Haiz...but that's good enough already.

Riesia's First Month Celebration

Oh boy, last night was a busy day for us all. I didnt have a good sleep on Friday night, Rie woke up at 230am for her milk and didnt go to bed till 430am.

I stayed up to converse with the US on my parcel that has been delayed since Feb and only went to bed at 5am. Was woken up by hubby at 10am and plus the loud screeching voice of my MIL, how can I still sleep. I woke up feeling so pek chek and throw my tantrum at hubby.

Hubby was nice enough to remind his mother to lower her voice, but she was so buay zhi dong and stubborn, she refuses, that I am so fed up with. Anyhow, she showed me the red eggs that her neighbour came over to help her to do. I love the red egg colour and there were 4.

She brought her own red powder to make more red eggs and started doing in the kitchen. The colour was so light, and the water was too diluted, but she insisted that she had poured nearly half the bottle of powder already. Stubborn leh. Even my SIL and hubby told her she added too much water, she still refuse to eat it. So eventually, I told hubby I want to use the neighbour's red egg instead.

Then I bath for Rie and dress her up for prayer to the bed goddess. It was over in a minute and then next was the hair cutting ceremony. I did not bear to shave her hair off so we only snip a teeny weeny bit of her hair. Hee hee

And we took a family photo together...
Rie didnt have a good afternoon sleep with so many inconsiderate relatives yakking outside in the living room so loudly. She takes after me, she needs peace and quiet in order to fall asleep and was so cranky the whole afternoon. Hubby let SIL and BIL to feed her, which I have to agree silently reluctantly. I told myself, everyone has their first time and must learn. But then, whether they are willing to learn to hold, burp or feed her, is another issue. Haiz...Poor Rie.

That night, she's just like a ball, passing from arms to arms to arms. Although this allows me time to catch up with my friends, but then....Oh well. Rie received lots of gifts too and thanks for linda, shirley, kani and Nansee, I really like the sling and cant wait to use after washing it. KC, wish you were here with us...

Rie was very guai and slept throughout and didnt fuss much except when it was time for her milk milk. I can see that Aunt Pansy wanted to carry Rie so I asked hubby to let her carry Rie. Ended up she carried her the whole night and later told me that Rie's blouse was wet and we had to go up to change. I told her to pass Rie to me, but she wanted to go up together. Okay lor, so we went up together. She helped me to remove Rie's blouse, and wah liao eh, I dont know, maybe Rie's my daughter and as a newborn, I tend to be very careful with her, since she seem so fragile. But looking at the way she remove her blouse, I am thinking twice of asking her to help me care for Rie after my 3rd month when I'm serving my one month notice. Thinking twice real hard. I complain to hubby about it lor.

That night, the most asked question to me was who's gonna look after baby and am I gonna resign. I cannot stand my relatives all, they keep saying the same old thing, that it's such a waste to resign after studying so much etc etc and why not get a nanny lah, blah blah. Even my own dad is not supportive at all and I'm very very disappointed. No words can explain. I feel very much wanting to tell them, it's even more waste not to look after your own child and to watch her grow up. How often do you have that chance? Do you think when your child is 13, they will still want to be with you all the time? BY then, they are closer to their friends already and want freedom. This is the only chance for you to bond with your child you know. And this decision is not for them to decide for me.

I just wish deep down that someone would just give me a support instead of being such a wet blanket. I've read many articles of those who gave up their career to be SAHM. And all started with the same story that all were not supportive etc and they never regretted about it. I'm sure I will not regret as well. Now I'm thinking if I should tender on my 3rd month so that I'm serving my one month notice during my 3rd month. Sigh....